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2019.10.06 03:08 stroke_bot debouche skinflintily casanovas vivifical hogmanay epenla iceland apartness

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2019.09.19 14:57 stroke_bot courtcraft headstands firster interwhistle subgenerical haemuloid

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2019.07.23 02:52 stroke_bot grugous leucetta taiaha fearnought superphlogisticate transvestite hyperimmunization extirpateo

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2019.07.04 08:04 stroke_bot beggingwise

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2019.07.01 18:36 SEND_ME_YOUR_CAKES VG roots

Spostovani!
Moja zgodba je predolga, in razen dobrih prijateljev jo vec al manj nobeden ne razume.
Mojemu psihiatru sem obupal govorit o temu ker me mece v kos s drugimi primeri in preprosto ne razume, ko mu poskusam o temu se kaj povedat me preprosto ignorira in me takoj poslje ven (celo postane nekako jezen/nestrpen), odpravi na hitro (ponavadi nisem vec kot 10 min pri njemu). Tko da raje govorimo o sluzbi pa o ostalih stvareh (precej ql in realen je) .. tko da njega ne kritiziram. Razumem ga da on to jemlje tko kot pac jemlje, ampak moja zgodba ni kot nobena na tem svetu. Tudi ,recimo jaz tocno vem razlog za moje (bivse) probleme.
Pred kratkim sm se resil vseh zdravil, ceprav ,ce ne bi nikoli o temu govoril strokovni osebi jih tudi ne bi jemal imo. In ce seveda bi se obnasal normalno po epizodi, ampak se nisem in priznam da sem rabil strokovno pomoc. Ampak se vedno nisem nikoli dobro razlozil kaj je res bilo, razen moji bivsi psihiatrinji ki je stvar se kr razumela in mi rekla da tega ne bom nikoli mogel pozabit (sigh) ampak se vedno bla mnenja da je to neka povezava z skizofrenijo (sigh)
No kako obrnemo rabim mal pomoc, ki upam da mi lahko kdo tuki pomaga.
Sicer je stvar malo zastarela in ne razmisljam vec o temu ampak je vseeno ena stvar ki bi rad resil.
Sel bom takoj na tocko in spustil vse ostale detajle. (no ze sem predolg in dolgocasen verjetno)
Mam dva velika problema glede te epizode iz leta 2003 ki se je zgodila na Dunaju.
Unicila mi je okoli 2 do 3 leta zivljenja (konstantno razmisljanje o epizodi in nelogicne kontradikcije etc)
Na kratko, so me dobri (avstrijci M. in T.) prijatli povabli na Dunaj.
En od njih (M.) me je pripravljal na nek filem in konstantno govoril o temu (v bistvu celo pot na dunaj), meni pa ni blo nic jasno kaj bi rad mel s tem filmov ker me TOTALNO ni zanimal , razen tega da sm klical punco in ji govoru o temu kaj se dogaja, in ji omenil ta filem (ki ima posebno ime ,namrec mi ga je rekel prvic na njihovi yachti, drugic pa na poti na Dunaj) Zanimivo je da to ni prvic da so me sprasevali o tem filmu (posebno ime ima) ampak nikoli nisem sel zatem in se mi je zdel nepomemben. Preprosto me ni brigalo kaj je to, nisem niti vedel da je to film. Vprasanja glede tega preden sm srecal M.ja so bla (tudi od enih iz aus in zda ki so bli v sloveniji), ce se kaj spominjam na ******. In moj odgovor je vedno bil 'NE' nevem kaj je to sploh! In tam se je koncalo cudni njihovi pogledi ,mene pa ni brigalo razen da sm vedno reportiral moji punci da me krneki folk sprasuje o temu.
No da naredimo to cimbolj kratko , okoli 3ga tedna mojih 'pocitnic' na Dunaju mi M. v njegovem stanovanju eno prelepo jutro koncno prinese na dan ta famozni filem.
To se vse tako dobro spominjam koda bi blo vceraj, do tle nic problemov heh.
Takoj po temu ko je mel videokaseto v roki mi rece da je to 'surprise' (presenecenje) in da 'you must think very much about it' (moras dosti o temu razmisljat) , no tuki me je stvar zacela MALO interesirat ampak na koncu pameti nism pricakoval kaj me caka. Preden je vtaknil VHS v videoplayer sm prebral jasno napisan naslov ki so me sprasevali in kar je on govoru. Tuki sm ze bil nekako blago sokiran. Ampak vsekakor se vedno me ni stvar prevec zanimala. Samo vsa ta vprasanja in pripravljanje na ta filem me je presenetlo in sm bil prijetno presenecen!
No zacnemo gledat filem, in prvo stvar opazim fanta starega okoli 13-14-15 ki zgleda nekam prevec kot jaz, se vedno ni me tko brigalo, nekje pri 5 minut gledanja se nisem vec mogil izognit, totalni odstekanosti tega filma, nore stvari so ble gor(v pozitivnem smislu, recimo rekordi v ekstremnem sportu ki jih se danes ni nobeden zbil), zelo dobro narejen filem in krneki non stop o temu fantu ki zgleda kot jaz. Moja prva reakcija je bla vprasanje M.-u : KDO JE TO??? On je rekel takoj, NISI TI, ta clovek je MRTEV (uh???) , no utihnil me je za minutko. Nekje okoli 7 minutk pokaze en totalno odstekan trik, in glej ga ti napise MOJE IME na desnem spodnjem kotu v crnem, zelo jasno in vse. Takrat se je zacel sok. Naslednja scena je bla spet jaz in ena zenska skupaj ,tokrat me je pokazalo od zelo blizu, kjer sm opazil dve obrazni piki (ki jih seveda imam samo jaz na tem svetu tocno tam), in seveda moj obraz. Takrat sm preprosto umolknil. Nisem razumel vec nic, kr naenkrat sm bil na tem filmu. Jaz pa tega se NIKOLI spominjal (ce ste razumeli presnji del zgodbe boste razumeli da jaz nisem niti vedel za obstoj tega filma).
Tle se je vse zacelo komplicirat, vedno bolj 'odstekane' scene niso kaj dosti pomagale.
Vec kot ocitno je bilo da sem to dejansko JAZ, ampak kot je zgledalo to ni blo snemano v sloveniji, tezko rect kje je blo ampak zgledalo koda je to bila ZDA/Avstralija, jaz seveda tam nisem nikoli bil (uhm, oz. se ne spomnem da sm bil) ampak pustimo to, lahko je blo tudi v GB al nemciji-nima veze.
Okoli 10 minut gledanja , sm bil siguren to sem JAZ, to je bil tak velik shock da ne morem opisat, in M. me je pripravljal na to seveda kot sem ze povedal (pot na dunaj,ko smo se prvic spoznali,yachta etc)
Tko da mi ni blo vec NIC jasno, zacel sem kricat njemu v obraz da kaj je z njim narobe zakaj mi ni tega povedal in da to sem jaz. Ona pa je kot ponavadi neki zablodu , ce grem v preciznost je tocno rekel 'Zelo je bogat, dela iluzije na kameri' in se razne budalastine take , tudi je rekel da je fant na filmu precej zdrogiran , pa nevem kaj je hotel s tem povedat. Kot pravim se je vedel tko cudno da ne morem opisat, skratka se bolj me je zmedel, ko sm ga vprasal iz kje je: je rekel na hitro (koda bi mu zbezalo) 'SLOVENIA'.
Tam pa pri nekje 15 minut filma pa je kjer se je zgodil totalen 'blackout'
Ena zadnjic scen se spominjam te blond zenske (ki je tudi blo napisano ime ampak se ne morem ga spomnit na nobedeb nacin) ki je bla z menoj tam , neke vrste letece orozje (zelo cudno se slisi ampak to je vse res), pa veliki jeepi ki so me odpeljali stran, morem se povedat da je to zgledalo bolj kot resnicna stvar kot igranje. Skratka od zacetka je blo vse obrnjeno name. Celo neke avte me je kazalo risat, pa res ne morem razumet kaj ma to veze z mano. Pa se tolko cudnih stvari da pustimo.
No po teh 15 minutah in teh zadnjic scen ki se spomnem, SE NE MOREM VEC SPOMNIT NIC, ABSOLUTNA 0. Do teh 15 minut je VSE jasno zelo dobri spomini prvega 'trika' prvih scen, spoznanje da sem to jaz in vse to, ampak kar se je zgodilo po tistih 15 minut se ne morem spomnit na nobeden nacin, ceprav vem da je v moji podzavesti to napisano.
Torej gremo na konkretne stvari in moja vprasanja.
-Ne morem se spomnit kaj je blo po tistih 15 minut naprej -Ne morem se spomnit kolko je trajal filem -Ne morem se spomnit konca/kako se je koncal/kolko je bil dolg. -Ne morem se spomnit kaj se je zgodilo ko smo koncali gledat -Ne morem se spomnit kaj se zgodilo celi dan po gledanju/nevem kdaj sem sel spat kdo je se prisel v stanovanje skratka CISTA luknja v spominu
Spomnem se samo da sem se zbudil drugo jutro PREROJEN clovek na divanu v dnevni, tako drugacen da vam ne morem opisat, nisem bil vec JAZ. Gledal sem vgasnjeno televizijo in se spominjal kar sem se lahko spomnil -tistih 15 minut. Ko se je M. zbudil , sm ga prvo stvar vprasal ce ga lahko spet gledamo, on je pa elegantno mi obljubil (se zlagal) da mi bo naredil kopijo brez problema.
Jaz pa seveda ze globoko prizadet in zmeden nisem vec mel kontrole nad seboj. Skratka bil sem siguren da sem po snemanju filma zgubil spomin in ko sem ga gledal ,ga dobil nazaj (zacasno).
Odlocil sem se iti nazaj v Slovenijo in sem bil preprican da me caka novo zivljenje (polno denarja slave , bil sem na filmu halo etc :P)
Cel navudsen kako ga bom vsem pokazal etc.
To je bla OGROMNA napak da nisem takoj tam mu tezil da gledamo se enkrat , ampak preprosto ponavljam nisem mel vec kontrole nad seboj, nisem vedel kaj naredit in sm bil prevec navdusen na 'ugotovitvijo'
Naj vam se nekaj stvari razjasnim
-Nobene droge ni blo vmes , vec kot 100% tudi ce bi mi jo hoteli podtaknit, ni blo varjante, namrec nisem nic pil in vse kar sem jedel tisto jutro je bil kebab kupljen zunaj, sam sem sel ga iskat.
-Ce mislite se vedno da je droga, se motite, ker se zavedam kako ucinkuje LSD in razne druge 'hard' substance in bi preprosto vedel da je to bil 'bad trip' al kej podobnega, ampak sem bil 100% trezen.
-Nemogoce da sem se zamesal za koga drugega, tudi ce mislite da je mozno, vam povem da ni mozno ker sem iskal vse mozne informacije o tem filmu in ni nicesar o njemu se manj pa o tej osebi/meni. Ponavljam da tudi ce bi bil res tako neumen in naiven pa se nevemkaj zraven vam ponavaljam da moje dve pike preprosto so zakljuclje poglavje ce sm to jaz al ne, poleg mojega obraza imena in vseh ostalih stvareh. Ce bi nekdo obstajal identicen meni z istim imenom in priimkom bi ga seveda ze zdavnaj nasel, in kot ponavljam so bli gor razni rekordi. Neke vrste skrivnost. (in ja se ukvarjam s tem sportom od 10ga leta)
No jaz se vrnem v Slovenijo cel vesel da bom preprosto zgooglal filem in ga probral iz interneta.
In tle so se zaceli resni problemi, filma se ne da nikjer dobit, nobeden ne ve za njega , ljudlje v tem sportu niti, skratka veliiiiiiiko razocaranje in vse kar mi je preostalo je bilo nepopisna zmeda v glavi in teorije. Tistih 15 minut pa je tako globoko v spominu da mi ne bo slo nikoli ven. Koda bi blo vceraj.
Moje iskanje tega videa se je vleklo vec kot 2 leti, brez uspeha.
Medtem mi Markus obljubi video TISOCKRAT ze , a lej ti vedno ko pridejo na yactho se spomni novega izgovora kot 'ne morem ga najdet, zgubil sem ga, drugic ti ga prinesem'
Vmes je menjal telefonsko in se razno razne cudne scene, samo da ne gledam spet filma (kje je pa smisel bil mi ga pokazat??)
Problemi doma si lahko predstavljate, ne eni strani mama ki pravi da o temu nic ne ve , na drugi strani pa video dokaz da sem na tem filmu.
Skratka konec je blo z mojimi mozgani, prevec je blo zame vse skupaj.
No tuki je tudi kje se je M. posteno zafrknil.
Namrec priblizno 1 mesec so prisli k meni domov T. in M. in M. je rekel moji mami , 'bil je en clovek podoben njemu ampak ni bil on'.
To sem vam zdi nepomembno ampak je precej pomembno ce meni ne verjamete ker mislite da je to vse skupaj ena psihoza.
Namrec leta se vlecejo naprej in Markus se se naprej izogiba temu da bi mi dal video , skratka sem mu rekel v obraz tisockrat ce pravisi da nisem jaz POL MI PA DEJ VIDEO IN BOMO VIDELI RESNICO!!!. In ja ja ti bom dal.
No pol po priblizno 4 letih dobim klic iz dunaja, ZELO DOBRE novice.
'NASEL SEM VIDEO, PRIDEM DRUG TEDEN!!' , v sekundi sm bil tako vesel kot redkokdaj v zivljenju a kaj ko takoj za tem mi sporoci drugacno ime filma, ki je precej znan. Kr naenkrat se odloci da ima drugacno ime.
Jaz ,zelo razocaran se dobim z njim in vzamem videokaseto ki mi jo da. Prva stvar je bla ocitna, naslov na VHSju ni tisti ki je bil na Dunaju, (sigh sigh zakaj ravno meni se morejo take dogajat???!!!)
No vseeno gledam videokaseto doma v miru, v upanju da bo vsaj ENA scena tistega fanta/mene, a glej ti nikjer ne sluha ne duha o temu tipu. Vse drugacno, neki cisto drugega, skratka en bedn star filem.
No tuki ste verjetno dojeli trik, Markus je sam reku moji Mami 1 mesec po gledanju filma da je bil gor 'fant ki je zgledal kot on', a glej ti na tem filmu ki mi je dal on NI NIKJER TEGA CLOVEKA !!!!!! Poglej sem ga temeljito, a tipcka ni blo nikjer.
Tle je pa totalen paradox kot ste razumeli, namrec mama bi mogla vedet seveda o tem filmu , da sem ga kdaj sploh snemal.
Lahko se nafilam miljon tablet grem se zdravit TRAJNO bilokaj , ampak nobeden in nobena zdravila mi ne bodo spremenila spomina, tisto sem bil jaz.
Tle ni nobenega problema ker se vedem normalno z vsemi prijazno spostljivo etc. Nic agresivno in to prepricanje je globoko v meni a vsake tolko pride ven (kot danes ko sem najdel ta forum) .. skratka funkcioniram normalno in razmisljam o zivljenju brez neumnosti kot 'video mi bo prinesel miljone dolarjev kot je blo v filmu' etc skratka deluzije.
Tko da ce mislite da je kaj narobe z mano ker to govorim se motite.
Stvar je bla tko 'epska' da jo preprosto nevem razlozit, tisti ki so to naredili pa so naredili to zelo dobro ocitno da nobeden ne ve, pa me ne zanima kako je to mozno, jaz sem na tistem filmu, dejstvo.
Gremo na vprasanja...
Rad bi se na vsak nacin rad spomnil kaj je bilo tisti dan po tisti '15 minut' rad bi se spomnil kako se je dan koncal kaj se je ostajalo dogajalo , kdo je se prisel v stanovanje po koncanem filmu, kaj so mi naprej razlagal(i) o temu etc.
Ampak tega se jaz zavestno ne morem spomnit.
Slisal sem za hipnozo, malo prebral in to, ceprav sm kr skepticen bi rad to probal da se nekako probam dokopat do teh spominov.
Drugace je to tudi prvic ki sem stvar tako razlozil , upam da razumevajoce.
Stvari ki me zanimajo.
-precej lazje mi je to smiselno napisat kot razlozit nekomu iz nic, tko da iscem komentar na to zgodbo od strokovnih ljudi.
-kaj lahko naredim glede M.-a namrec mi je unicil zivljenje za nekaj casa in mi resno skodoval.
-kaj se da v tem primeru resit, in ali je najboljse da vse skupaj pozabim in upam da bo samo prislo na dan (kar je v bistvu to kar delam ze vec kot 2 leti, preprosto se ne obremenjujem vec s tem)
...
ampak vseeno stvar pride na dan in pride na dan in mi ne gre ven iz glave, zdravila al ne (ko sem jemal zdravila je blo dosti hujse, nisem mogel brez tega razmisljat in se smilit samemu sebi)
2 leti je blo zguba casa a hkrati navdusenje nad tem kako bo to dobil , vsem pokazal, denar, slava etc. razne neumnosti ki niso nikoli prisle.
Kako bi ugotovil ce sem dejansko mel zgub spomina po snemanju tega filma, nevem na keri nacin bi ga zgubil a vem da je vec moznih nacinov. Tud mozno glede na magnitudo vsega skupaj da je blo uporabljeno kako sredstvo ki ni znano publiki..
No rabil sem dat to ven iz sebe, ponavljam da se celotne zgodbe ne upam povedat skoraj nobenemu se manj pa psihiatru, ko pa mu kej omenim me seveda ne razume in vse kar zna naredit je prepisat tablete/ me spokat ven cimprej.
Rad bi nekoga ki me razume in verjame kar govorim, kar pa vedno vec mislim da ne obstaja.
Tko da ja spisal sem res, vse povedal ampak to ne vpliva (vec) na moje zivljenje, sluzba in vse ostalo lavfa 200 na uro, skorajda ni vec casa za to.
Sam vseeno sm hotel tuki to povedat kjer bom mogoce naletel na kaksen dober nasvet :P
(prosim da mi to objavite ce ne pa kot ZS posljete strokovni osebi tukaj al kej podobnega)
Ni vec velik problem ampak tolko sem trpel zaradi tega da vam ne morem opisat.
LP danijel
(ce vam kaj ni jasno bom z veseljem odgovoril)
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2019.06.23 00:08 stroke_bot backfired becumber bumbee prophetically nonharmonious churidars

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2019.06.16 12:47 stroke_bot vignin electrooculogram chloridella

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2019.05.26 21:26 stroke_bot stap pennsylvanian introspect volscian chubbier

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2019.04.30 15:54 stroke_bot aborted diapositive supering beatus antimonium

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2019.04.20 13:01 stroke_bot hypogastria uropods

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2019.04.04 23:39 stroke_bot inviter cardiolysis

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